The tall tale of our beloved men


“The tragedy of machismo is that a man is never quite man enough"  
 ~Germaine Geer


We have heard and seen enough cases of the oppressive man in the progressive society. The latest story  The Guwahati incident. Enough has been said and shown about it already. The videos are viral. So whatever opinion I would state won't be anything new. Whenever there's an issue, there'll be a heated discussion about it and a lot of people will have a lot to say and your Facebook newsfeed would be flooded.
Educate men. Respect women. Women's rights. Stringent laws. And more blah.

Oddly enough those ideas can never be incorporated. Ever heard of anti-rape each one teach one ?
Enumerating some pretty basic facts ::
1. As long as there's white and black, yin and yang, men will objectify women and there's absolutely nothing one can do about it. 
2. People package and brand this very concept and sell it in the movies. So people emulate it all the more. Changing the word 'rape' to 'sexual assault' won't change a thing.
News channels are the only entities that get benefitted in the form of ‘breaking news’. 
All of the women have been subjected to a certain degree of harassment at some or the other point of their lives be it in a bus, a train, on the road or even in a temple !!  You always have to be alert and suspicious at all times, you have to avoid deserted roads, you have to dress according to a certain sensibility unless you want the Rowdy Rapists to pounce on you, you need to do a double check at every step to check if someone’s following you, every car that slows down beside you, you need to be careful to retract.
In spite of being super careful, things will happen. A man will scan you from  the tip of your head to the tip of your toe, a man will give you his set of lewd looks, a man will come up to you and ask you what's a dildo, a man will turn into Pee Wee Herman if there’s an opportunity on a lonely road, a man will grope you in the darkness of the bus, a man will grope you in the brightness of a crowded temple for that matter, a man will pass obscene comments, a man will corner you and go around you with his motorcycle and I can go on and on. 
A friend suggests pepper spray. Trust me friend, there’s never the time to rummage through your big bag, find that bottle and spray, spray, spray. All you can possibly think of at the time is to run, run, run and never look back.
Depending on your degree of luck, you either come out of the situation physically unscathed or you don’t. Either ways the damage is more on the psychological front.  Every time a certain incident happens you start questioning the integrity of your creation. Gradually you become this epitome of stoicism and learn to be comfortably numb with these encounters accepting it as a way of life. You cannot fight the thought process, you cannot fight the man with all his physical strength, you can only succumb. Such is the sorry state of females. There's no such thing as equality of men and women and can never be. The male species have their vested interests in every aspect of the equality banter so please don't take it seriously. Workplace diversity is a farce to keep the men engaged. Office would be such a bummer with no femme fatales in it !!
At the end of the day, women are physically weak, emotionally creeper-like and subject to objectification.
Now the feminists might think I am crazy but I am in fact a hardcore feminist myself. It’s just that I am not delusional. I am just being practical here. Rape or sexual assault or anything in between will keep happening. All that the fairer sex can possibly do is stay vigilant and careful at all times.
As they say, truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.

Disclaimer: Certain keywords hurt the Oriya sensibility and I know the quintessential Oriya girl is not supposed to say them out loud, more so publish it online :P

Mere ramblings, no apologies ;)

A cynic’s take on all things fun


As a kid, life is all about unconditional happiness, school, bicycle, fighting with friends over an eraser, homework, birthday parties, naivety, chocolates, sunshine and butterflies.  There’s no self realization, there's no self pity, there's no self loathing, there's no cynicism, there's no arrogance, there's no heartbreak, there's no resentment, there's no remorse, there's no regret. Life’s one big party and it’s all about spontaneity.
Watching a kid hold her dad’s hand and walking happily down the road, unaware of the vagaries of life that lies ahead of her made me realize how amazing it was to be a kid. As we grow up, all that tends to change and life is all about the ‘pay package’, the ‘branded car’, the ‘luxury apartment’, the ‘trophy husband’ and so on.
The basic question is: Did we all readily sign up for it or is it a forced entity ?
Some like predictable monotonous way of living.
Some seek thrills every single day. Be it cheap or otherwise :P
To each his own.
 Life as a whole is a pretty overrated concept if you come to think of it. We never asked for it. But we still have to live, survive and move ahead.  So why not soak in the sun, lie like a log, eat like a pig, watch the grass grow, admire the sea with its set of unending possibilities, jump around, love someone whole heartedly, sing our guts out and dance  like no one’s watching J
Coming back.
This post is about all things overrated in and around us. A few observations basically.
1.       Happy Birthdays:
We were born on a particular day. What is the big deal about it? If by being alive we are contributing anything for the benefit of others, it’s something worth celebrating. Otherwise it’s not. One fine day, out of the blue, you are obliged to have ‘fun’, smile all day, receive calls from long lost people whom u talk to only on your birthday or their birthday :\ , fake laughs and waste shit loads of cash treating different set of friends (in expectation of a proper gift obviously..barter system you see :D) all because of your birthday..!!
(Mine is on 17th of April btw, in case u want me to have ‘fun’, send me gifts….I love anything for free :P)


2.       Weekends:
Following the league of having ‘fun’ comes yet another hit phenomenon of the contemporary world…Weekends. When you slog the whole week, logically you would want to just sleep and while your time away. But the element of ‘fun’ will haunt you even then because ideally ‘having fun’ is what you are supposed to do on a weekend..!! I wish someone could define ‘fun’ for me. Standing in long queues waiting for food cuz all the good places are crowded is not fun. Drooling over a doughnut all week to find it all sold out by the time you reach the counter is again no fun. Neither is the unavailability of  tickets cuz everyone wants to watch an anticipated movie in its first week of release any fun.
Most people I know booze their weekends out or do some similar random shit. (Cobra venom is the new ecstasy for those who didn’t know..!!)
So I’ll never understand the hype about weekends.


3.       The Oscars :
Recent event.
Too much hoopla.
Who wore what, who exposed what body part etc. etc. I have seen The Descendents and The Artist. None of which is as big a deal as they claim it to be. The interesting thing about Hollywood is that a lot of interpretation is left for the audience to ponder over, be it the metaphorical representations, the reading between the lines, the storyline or the intricate thought process of the writer. But I still feel it gets an undue share of limelight year after year since Americans are such experts at marketing and branding.

4.       Facebook :
America’s gift to the world, revenue for its own coffers and the power of information at their mercy has been blown out of proportion in such a way that it has become an integral part of almost everyone’s lives except the Chinese. A basic look at a person’s FB profile gives an approximate idea about the person in general, the likes, the dislikes, command over the English language, their party circuit, the clothes in their closet, their friends, their GPS co-ordinates everything..!! A stalker’s delight, Facebook is creepily getting more popular with each passing day. I don’t know whether it’s good, bad, ugly or evil but it’s quite an overrated way of the social and the anti-social mingling on a common platform.  

5.       Kolaveri Di :
Mere mention of the song and my ears start bleeding. It’s just a gimmicky song. Why the fuss ? I was in Kerala when the song started creating ripples first and then waves..!! I was having a mini sabbatical from FB-land but when I returned, all I could see is Kolaveri, Kolaveri and more Kolaveri which left me wondering…Why this why this Kolaveri Di…???!!
I sit in an auto, the auto guy is suddenly singing it out loud, kids when asked to sing a song starting singing Kolaveri when it is not even a song..!! It’s more like a nursery rhyme. Maybe the closet-bathroom-singers finally felt emancipated and the soup song became such a rage.

Anyhoo my cynical eyes will be scanning for more such worldwide spread entities that are overrated, over-hyped and over-the-top. I love Vidya Balan for being crass with such elan. Obscenity was never this hot. But her overdose on tv these days is getting my goat and one fine day she might end up featuring in my overrated list..!!
Or I am just being air-headed :P

Either ways, mere ramblings…no apologies :D

The Kerala Chronicles

Thank you Abhishek Das for reminding me how lazy I have become that I stopped doing the one thing I love the most : Rambling. So this post is the result of your phone call. And always remember, I hate you like I love you and vice versa :P
So yeah let's say I am back with da-Bang and bucket loads of coconut oil :P
Confused about the coconut oil ? Don't be. My GPS co-ordinates say I have been living in Trivandrum for almost 2 months now and it's been a super crazy experience.
It all began with my quest for money just like everyone else so I sought shelter in the coconut tree dotted landscape of God's own country cuz that's where work was. All you can see here is green. And more green. And more green. So green. Finally your eyes get accustomed to everything green cuz it's humane to adapt afterall. Moreover according to me 'God's own country' is more of an hyperbolic expression. Just plain marketing strategies to boost income via tourism. But then I am more of a building person so I might be biased.

First Impressions. Lasting Impressions. But not in my case.
I hated this place initially cuz it was more of a parallel universe. No connection with the main land whatsoever.  No familiar faces, no familiar language, no familiar hoarding, no familiar music and the list goes on and on. So even the mere sound of Telegu songs suddenly became an exciting prospect.  Food is another tale in itself. The top 2 ingredients for any recipe here are coconut oil and beef. 
End Result: I was an annoying whiner. Drenched in self pity. Lonely. Love sick. (The weather here does that to you. Don't blame me :\)
But PRATIK, Calvin and Hobbes, The Secret and shit loads of self evaluation made me realize how important it is to find happiness in the happy moments life presents in front of you. Resisting change is a  person's biggest mistake whereas being able to go with the flow of life is a person's biggest strength. 

Current Sentiments :
Regular hamburgers, sausages, butter chicken, gobi parathas and lassi help my cause big time :P Weekends with amazing people just adds onto the euphoria. Work is fun. And now somehow living it up, creating and storing memories made me realize one thing :: Kerala somehow grows onto you and I might have fallen for this place already. Especially when it rains :)

Truly.Madly.Deeply

The post has nothing to do with the song or Savage Garden. Rather the post deals with the very essence of the song....the four letter word called 'Love'
Cliched topic and I know people have tried to demystify the intricate intricacies of louve in the past. But I need my fair share of ramblings too right :P
The funniest part is I enjoy a good rom-com and the mushy romantic scenes make my heart all gooey. I love supernatural fiction (my obsession with vamps, werewolves, soul catchers et al. needs some serious treatment..!!) and read the romance between the main characters first :D  But that's not the fun part. The fun part is that no matter how amusing/entertaining/heart warming/amazing I find these, I still find it odd to believe in the concept of 'Love'
I would take this opportunity to define what Love actually is :
Let's take a few deep breaths..shall we..?? Cuz my golden words might just go down in history :P

Ok.
So.
" Love is an over hyped well marketed phenomenon which only benefits the people who generate revenues from it. It is pure fiction and has no existence in the real world. Just a marketing guy playing a practical joke on  vulnerable innocent victims. "

This definition is not a result of some personal vendetta or me nursing a broken heart. It is just the practical side of me talking. If it wouldn't have been for love or the consequences of love, the movie industry or the music industry or the flower industry or the chocolate industry or the card industry or the creepy Teddy Bear industry wouldn't have flourished the way they have..!!
No love = No SRK romancing chiffon saree clad actresses, No Bruno Mars catching a grenade for someone, No Adele rolling in the deep, No Cadbury Silk ad that makes us go Awwwww and the list goes on and on and on....

The only kind of unconditional Love is the one your family gives you. They accept you with your flaws. Don't ask you to change. And don't ask for anything in exchange. That is what I would call Love.

And when it comes to romantic inclinations, I think it's all about seeking the companionship of someone you like and sticking to him/her with conviction, integrity and dedication. As my friend had rightly said, " If you are in a maize field, you don't try out all the corns in the field to find out which one is the best. If you find something good enough, you stick to it without thinking if there's a better one out there."

In the world of 'casual relationships', I am not too hopeful of finding 'Louve' but the illogical part of me still hopes to :
1) Get wooed with songs like 'Jeevan Se Bhari Teri Aankhein' OR 'Ehsaan Tera Hoga Mujh par' OR 'Yeh Dil Tum Bin Kahin Lagta Nahin' OR 'Humein Tumse Pyaar Kitna'....(Yes I am old school :\ )
2) Get worshipped like Bella worships Edward   ( Yes I am a narcissist..!!)
3) Get compliments at the drop of a hat (Yes I am shallow.)
So much for wishful musings..!! If only wishes were wings, pigs would fly :P

I know a lot of people would beg to differ cuz they might have experienced sleepless nights, butterflies in their  thoracic cavity, racing heart, anxiety, excitement etc. (Science says it due to the production of Dopamine and Norepinephrine in the human body and reduction of serotonin in the blood level...so let's not give undue credit to louve..shall we..?? :P)
But whatever. To each his own.
And as always. Mere ramblings....No apologies :)


The legacy of a Chammak Challo..!!

Once upon a time in Bolly-land, there lived a song called :
" Chammak challo oooohhh  Chammak challo
  Zaara dheere chalo, zaara dheere chalo
  Hooo warna jayogi phisal
  lachak jayegi patli kamar "  :| :|
The song is from a movie called 'Ajay' and features Sunny 'paaji' Deol and Karishma Kapoor. ( It's only fair that Kareena is carrying the legacy forward)

There was another Chammak challo song in Bolly-land featuring the wholesome entertainer Govinda and Urmila from the movie Kunwara and was sadly sung by Sonu Nigam but let's not even talk about it. We all know how tragic Govinda dance numbers are.

Personally I hate the mere sound of the word 'Chammak challo'. It sounds very anti-feminist. So when I thought Bolly-land was 'chammak challo proof'....along came 'Wanna be my Chammak Challo'..!!

The USP of a song these days is the 'Catchphrase'. Be it Jalebi bai, DK Bose or the very latest Chammak challo. Since SRK is the king of marketing, I expected no less.
Throw in a catchphrase, a super successful R&B artist, Kareena in a hot red saree minus the aanchal and the mere presence of SRK = a recipe for success. And it was. Even before the official music release, the song was all over Facebook and YouTube and became an instant rage overnight..!!
But I still find the song annoying. I don't understand the lyrics even though it has been penned down by my favourite Vishal Dadlani. It doesn't make any sense..!! To add to my woes, the song is practically everywhere. Chammak challo is the perfect replacement for Anna Hazare it seems. When you hear a particular song 50 odd times a day, it tends to grow on you. But in my case, it is yet to sink in.

It seems the song makers were desperate to popularize the song and attempt is clearly visible. The choreography looks bizzare and I wonder why the female background dancers are scantily clad when they are supposedly doing some classical dance form..!! A special mention here of Miss Kareena Kapoor. She tends to go overboard with her expressions at times and I didn't get the deal with her saree in the song.
Anyway the only saving grace in the whole song is the man Shah Rukh Khan himself. His blue eyes are droolworthy..!!
Otherwise it is plain disappointment. Disappointed with Vishal-Shekhar whom I otherwise love, disappointed with Vishal who has penned amazing lyrics in the past, disappointed with Kareena who I think is the Goddess of Bolly-land. Not to forget rapist Akon's pathetic whiny voice. He demeans women in a way no one does and objectifies them in a way no one can..!!
If all this was not enough, Kareena claims that this isn't an item song..!! D'uh. Scantily clad women and       in- your- face decolletage  is proof enough..!!
Since I am a sucker for the music of Bolly-land, I hope the other tracks are way better and more meaningful.

Mere ramblings..no apologies :P

Weak Democracy….And Now Bad Judicial System…Signs Of A Crumbling Nation..??



“One man’s tragedy is another’s man entertainment” – Mahesh Bhatt
It was disgusting to see Ram Gopal Verma proving this point by making a movie on the Neeraj Grover murder case…!! He was also all eager to sign Maria Susairaj for a movie. Abhay Deol was equally lame when he said, “There’s room for everyone in the movie industry”!!! There were rumours afloat that Big Boss producers were after her too. It has become a desperate need to sensationalize anything and everything in today’s world.
For those who are clueless…time travel to 2008….. the crime looked exactly like a scene from Dexter only here the victim was an innocent man (Neeraj Grover) and Jerome was no Dexter either. After Maria (Jerome’s fiancée) chopped Neeraj’s dead body to 300 pieces or (4 -5 pieces as her lawyer claims), the court sets her free on 2nd July 2011 because all she did was ‘destroy evidence’ and Jerome was convicted for ‘culpable homicide not amounting to murder’. Since allegedly Jerome was ‘provoked’ to murder Neeraj but had no intentions to actually murder him, it was culpable homicide and not murder.  Poor Maria on the other hand only helped in chopping the body and burning it so it is ‘destruction of evidence’.
Such crazy antics of Indian Penal Code makes me think that one fine day I might get into a fight and get murdered with a kitchen knife. Then my murderer hires a smart lawyer, they prove in court that there was no motive, the murder was impromptu and my murderer walks free inspite of chopping my dead body into 300 pieces in cold blood..!!
I bet the judge must be a smart bloke but why not use the brain instead of getting into the technicalities. Even to a layman it’s evident that it was a conspiracy but the IPC has provisions to ensure that murderers roam around to commit more crimes, Hasan Ali is free to transfer more money to Swiss bank accounts etc etc.
The most heart breaking part in all of it is the state of the parents who were hoping to get a closure after 3 years of wait. But all they got was disappointment. Stories of people and their eternal struggle with the Indian judicial system are abundant and the parents might be dragged into that vicious cycle.  With their old age justice delayed is justice denied. The grief will be only theirs because eventually the people, media everyone will move on.
A  weak democracy (Yes Mr. Manmohan…you are a lame-duck PM..I wonder what made you think otherwise) and a flawed judicial system are definite signs of a crippling, crumbling nation and I don’t think any Rahul (Vinci) Gandhi can ever fix it. The problems are deep rooted and the question that arises in all of it is that are we really safe..??

LMFAO


Good old Bollywood has a song for every occasion. Whenever the hero and heroine get or don't get an opportunity, they jump into a song and dance routine..it is hilarious at times but that's the only thing thats original about hindi cinema...its 'breaking into' a song without any logical explanation :|
Personally for me, the mohd. rafi - kishore kumar phase was the best phase of hindi music...the songs were pure music..with live musicians and instruments devoid of digitalization..music is always supposed to be in analog form.Thanks to the new age technology even a dog can bark and it will sound good..!!
But we have seen some musically handicapped years when the music industry was hit by a tornado named Bappi Lahiri  and calling his songs retarded would be an understatement ..!!  It was in 1994 that Aashiqui was released and Nadeem-Shravan swooped into the music industry like saving graces..(btw Aashiqui is one of my favourite-est albums..)
But i am more interested in doing a psycho-analysis of the lyricist's brain....Here's a list of the songs which got my goat..

1) Ouchhhh...   Dhak Dhak karne lagaa... ho mora jiyara darne lagaa..   saiyaan baiyaan chodo na.. 'kacchi kaliyan tod na' :|  The english interpretation would ideally be >> don't pluck the unripe buds..!! lmao..!!

2) Choli ke peeche kya hai..choli ke peeche   Isn't it obvious..??!! My inference is that our lyricists were sex starved....our country being sexually oppressed and our censor board being conveniently hypocritical..we cannot have direct songs.. so i guess our lyricists decide to be all suggestive..!!
Imagine releasing a song like  'I kissed a girl' (in hindi of course) in India and the kind of uproar it will create... (i can only imagine what its hindi interpretation would be..lol..!!)
But choli ke peeche kya hai..seriously..??!! Objectification of women has been rampant and even the songs cannot escape its presence..


Moving over from explicit songs to some really inane stuff...

3) Tamma tamma logey  (it's encrypted code..i bet noone can decode it)   tamma tamma logey tamma   tu premi..AHAA   main premi..AHAA..   tu raazi..AHAA   main raazi..AHAA..   phir kya daddy kya amma..ek bas tu hi pyaar ke kaabil..saara jahaan hai nikamma..

4) this one is my permanent chart buster..actually song no. 3 is copied from this song.   Jumma chumma de de (rearranged version of 'i kissed a girl'..the girl in question here    is Jumma..:P)   Jumma chumma de de chumma

5) Mera naa--aaaaa--aaam Shabnam...pyaar se log mujhe Shabo kehte hain   tumhara naam kya hai..?? Eena ya meena...anju ya manju   *laughs*   eena..meena..anju..manju..yaaaa madhu.. (no these aren't the common Indian female names)

6) question -- Ladki hai kya..??   answer -- re baa baa   question -- uski adaa..??   answer -- re baa baa   question -- uska nasha..??   answer -- re baa baa   re baabaa re baabaa re baabaa baabaa baabaa baabaa    (talk about obsession with nursery rhymes..!!)

7) an educational song was :   ek do teen char panch che saat aath nau dus gyaraah barah terah   terah karoon din gin gin ke intezaar..aaja piya aayi bahar..   learning counting was never as easy..

8) chamakchalo chamakchalo  zara dheere chalo..zara dheere chalo..!!   Innovative ways of addressing a female..a feminist's outcry..

9) lyricists have even found a way of incorporating a scorpion's bite into a song..   i think it should have been the ost of 'the scorpion king' :|   bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..   ho bedarda aadhi raat ko meri chaat pe chadh gayaa..   chori se haaye ungli mein challa de gaya..    bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..bichua..

10) The choreography of this song can put the top choreographers to shame..this genre of   gyrating vibrating hyper voluptuous hip of Shilpa Shirodkar and the extra dancers is   unrecognised to the world..youtube it to know what m talking about ;)    Angna mein baba..duare pe maa..kaise aayein gori hum tohre ghar ma..    Khet gaye baba..bazaar gayi maa...akeli hoon ghar ma tu aaja balma..:|

11) If you think "22222" is Docomo's sound..think again..     the song is:     222222             2222222      athra baras ki kuwari kali thi...:P   now the lyricist wants to address the heroine as "unmarried bud"..i clearly don't  understand the obsession with a mere 'bud'..   on one occasion..heroine says dont pluck unripe buds..on another occasion she says  she's a bud...the heroine in question here is madhuri dixit..   clearly the context in which the word 'kali' is used is still undetermined..

12) Ek aankh maaron toh parda hat jaaye     duji aankh maaron kaleja kat jaaye (if i wink, my liver gets cut)    dono aankhein maaron toh chori pat jaaye chori pat jaaye       ---- A Bappi Da creation which speaks for itself :)

13) tofa tofa tofa tofa     laaya laaya laaya laaya    tere tere tere tere    liye liye liye liye        ---- A Bappi Da creation yet again :P

Watch out this space for more spiritual insights like these ;)